In England, reduce the demand, not the expectation: choice, indirect language and collaboration can help. Ask school for SEN Support; no diagnosis is required. Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland use different systems.
First: take the heat out of the task
Stop the confrontation before trying to restart the work. For a child with a demand-avoidant profile, a request can trigger panic rather than a considered refusal. More pressure, praise, rewards or sanctions can make the task feel even less safe. The PDA Society's PANDA approach starts with prioritising demands, managing anxiety, negotiating, disguising demands and adapting the environment.
Wait for a calm moment, then offer genuine control. Instead of “Start your maths now”, try “I wonder whether maths or reading feels more doable first?” Let your child choose where to work, how to record an answer and which part to attempt. Reduce the volume if needed. The learning goal can stay; the route to it can change.
Then: ask school to change how work is presented
Email the SENDCO (the teacher responsible for special educational needs and disabilities) and ask for a meeting. Describe what happens before, during and after a demand, including distress or shutdown, rather than writing only “refuses work”. Ask for SEN Support using the assess, plan, do, review cycle in the SEND Code of Practice. In England, support follows identified need; your child does not need a standalone PDA diagnosis. This SEND Code and SEN Support route do not govern the different systems in Wales, Scotland or Northern Ireland.
- Offer a choice of task, order, place or recording method.
- Use indirect or declarative language instead of public instructions.
- Agree a smaller essential workload and flexible deadlines.
- Provide a named adult and a quiet way to pause without punishment.
Ask school to write down the adjustments, who will try them and the review date. A useful sentence is: “Please record these needs-led adjustments as SEN Support and review them with us in six weeks.”
If SEN Support is not enough
In England, keep examples of work demands, the adjustments tried and their effect. If your child may need more support than the school can ordinarily provide, you can ask the council directly for an Education, Health and Care needs assessment. This is the assessment that may lead to an EHCP. If a plan is issued, the council must secure the special educational provision it specifies (section 42, Children and Families Act 2014), which makes that provision legally binding. The request can come from you; the school does not have to agree (section 36, Children and Families Act 2014). This route does not apply in Wales, Scotland or Northern Ireland. Explain the support your child may need, not just the label.
Where the law comes from
This page is general information, not clinical or legal advice.