Definition
Declarative language is a way of speaking through observations and comments, set out in Linda K Murphy's 2020 handbook and recommended by the UK PDA Society for demand-avoidant children.
In context for parents
Key checkpoints
- Declarative language replaces commands and questions with statements about what someone sees, thinks or feels.
- Linda K Murphy codified the approach in The Declarative Language Handbook (2020), drawing on the Relationship Development Intervention tradition.
- The UK PDA Society recommends declarative language among its helpful approaches, including “Your coat's by the door” instead of “Put on your coat”.
- Declarative language is a communication style, not a commissioned or funded therapy; families can use it immediately.
- As of 2026, no randomised controlled trials or systematic reviews show that declarative language treats autism or demand avoidance.
- PDA is not a standalone diagnosis in ICD-11 or DSM-5, limiting formal research into PDA-specific approaches.
At home, “Put your shoes on” becomes “Your shoes are by the door”; “Take this to the bin” might become “Hmm, I wonder if the bin's full.” The practical demand remains, but its packaging changes.
For a child whose avoidance is driven by anxiety, information without an attached demand can preserve autonomy and reduce a flashpoint. Declarative language pairs naturally with low-arousal practice and co-regulation. It does not mean removing boundaries or letting a child “get away with it”.
In my clinical work, the common mistake is making it another script. A flat “I notice your shoes aren't on” still carries a hidden command, which demand-avoidant children can spot. Genuine curiosity and natural tone matter more than a perfect phrase.
Murphy's practice literature, speech and language therapy practice and PDA Society guidance support declarative language, but randomised trials and systematic reviews do not exist. This is a widely used, low-risk adjustment that may reduce flashpoints, not a treatment for autism.
Related terms
The terms parents most often see alongside Declarative language.
Pathological Demand Avoidance(PDA)
A profile within the autism spectrum characterised by an extreme, anxiety-driven need to avoid everyday demands. PDA children often respond best to low-arousal, collaborative approaches rather than direct instruction.
Demand Avoidance
A pattern of resisting everyday requests and expectations. Common in PDA and other autistic profiles, where demand avoidance is anxiety-driven rather than deliberate.
Low-Arousal Approach
A non-confrontational approach to supporting distressed behaviour developed by Andrew McDonnell. It reduces demands, language, and sensory load to lower a child's arousal level.
Co-Regulation
The process by which a calm, attuned adult helps a child regulate their nervous system. Co-regulation comes before self-regulation and is the foundation of emotional learning.
Autism(ASC)
A lifelong neurodevelopmental condition that shapes how a person communicates, processes sensory information, and experiences the social world. Autism is a difference, not an illness.
Masking
The conscious or unconscious suppression of natural neurodivergent traits to fit in. Masking is especially common in autistic girls and is linked to burnout, anxiety, and late diagnosis.
Where parents ask about this
At the school gate, a parent may hear that fewer direct instructions could reduce distress, then wonder how anyone will get shoes on or leave the house. Searches for “declarative language PDA examples”, “how to talk to a PDA child” and “alternatives to telling my child what to do” usually follow. Families reading The Declarative Language Handbook also ask whether “reducing demands autism” means abandoning routines and boundaries. It does not. The practical issue is how to share necessary information without turning every observation into a disguised command, especially when “child refuses every instruction” describes daily life. A Beaakon speech and language therapist will explore the child's communication and demand-avoidant profile, identify hidden instructions, and rehearse declarative wording that remains clear and sounds natural in that particular family.
References
The primary legislation, statutory guidance, research, and clinical tools this page draws on.